another day another set of emotions. the mornings seem the hardest becasue i have to relive it all again. the prospect of sleep makes me nervous, because by the end of the day i start to accept the world without my dad in it, but in the morning i have to do it all over again. i dont think i will ever comprehend exactly what that means. he was so alive just a little over a week ago. i still had hope last week, this week theres
my mom had planned my baby shower for saturday last week and she still went ahead with it. i hadnt really wanted to but she sadi my dad was really excited about the baby, and he would have wanted that. it was bitter sweet. it took my mind off things for a while, but when i remembered i felt guilty for being so carefree. i did get beautiful gifts though and this baby is the little light i have to keep me going, i think for all of us....
look at this gorgeous pair of shoes i got for baby:cute!
im on maternity leave now i guess....theres so much to plan for. also i went into labor the day my dad died, because i hadnt eaten for two days and was severely dehydrated. so im supposed to take it easy, as stress makes the contractions worsen. easier said than done.
life goes on but with an emptyness. i have never known pain like this, and coing rom sone whose been depresed most th of their life, its pretty hectic. i love him and miss him!!